you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
