I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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