She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.