School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
