does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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