I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
