I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.