I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.