he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Send us your Text From Last Night!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.