tequila makes me forget i have legs
Send us your Text From Last Night!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex