through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .