i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Send us your Text From Last Night!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
