My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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