Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
