So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?