Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
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while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.