There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her