I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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