Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.