I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.