if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Send us your Text From Last Night!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar