I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
