I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
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When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.