You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.