it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,