I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
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The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.