Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
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i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.