when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober