My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
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My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
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Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
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Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.