It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
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So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
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He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.