But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
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I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.