That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.