In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?