I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
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I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.