You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine