I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.