Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.