people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you