i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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