Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.