He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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