it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation