He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
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He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
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The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.