And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
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That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
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Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.