I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Send us your Text From Last Night!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.