"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
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Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
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I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?