He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
