I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
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Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
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I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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