She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
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this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.