I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
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I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...