Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
