The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.