shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly