Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.