i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one