he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
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Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
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I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on