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Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
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