His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day