Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dating After Heartbreak
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"