My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
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According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
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Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.