Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.