Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
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I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Less talking, more tequila