I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.