There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
