The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.