I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.