I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
