Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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