I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
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They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.