6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.