Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
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whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
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The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.