I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever