If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
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I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.