I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Send us your Text From Last Night!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.