No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
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the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
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Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.