you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
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I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.