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    (312): View more from Illinois

    You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.

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    Replies (4) Good night (2880) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
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    (484): View more from Pennsylvania

    sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now

    (1-484): View more from Pennsylvania

    sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?

    (484): View more from Pennsylvania

    :)

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    Replies (12) Good night (3703) Bad night (485)
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    (563): View more from Iowa

    that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.

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    Replies (13) Good night (978) Bad night (2180) Order T-Shirt
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    (650): View more from California

    i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug

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    Replies (25) Good night (3039) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
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    (609): View more from New Jersey

    Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!

    (267): View more from Pennsylvania

    This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..

    (609): View more from New Jersey

    AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!

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    Replies (37) Good night (605) Bad night (3452)
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    (707): View more from California

    My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.

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    Replies (16) Good night (3175) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
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    (818): View more from California

    this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera

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    Replies (10) Good night (2887) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
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    (205): View more from Alabama

    at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.

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    Replies (21) Good night (2941) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
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    (616): View more from Michigan

    If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.

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    Replies (12) Good night (793) Bad night (1988) Order T-Shirt
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    (325): View more from Texas

    i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..

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    Replies (24) Good night (516) Bad night (2230) Order T-Shirt
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    (706): View more from Georgia

    i would punch a child for taco bell

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    Replies (41) Good night (5393) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
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    (650): View more from California

    just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.

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    Replies (60) Good night (1246) Bad night (2433) Order T-Shirt
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    (848): View more from New Jersey

    I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa

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    Replies (152) Good night (5673) Bad night (57198) Order T-Shirt
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    (516): View more from New York

    Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.

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    Replies (12) Good night (548) Bad night (1700) Order T-Shirt
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    (480): View more from Arizona

    p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life

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    Replies (24) Good night (4849) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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