My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
