She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Send us your Text From Last Night!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs