Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.