I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.