You don't have asthma, your pregnant
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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