I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers