So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
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i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
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I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.