I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing