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    (203): View more from Connecticut

    the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake

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    Replies (67) Good night (2917) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
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    (616): View more from Michigan

    no weekend plans? you're practically married

    (1-616): View more from Michigan

    just without the last name or joint bank account

    (616): View more from Michigan

    i'd advise against both

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    Replies (6) Good night (785) Bad night (1814)
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    (828): View more from North Carolina

    Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us

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    Replies (3) Good night (2651) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
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    (540): View more from Virginia

    please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.

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    Replies (17) Good night (682) Bad night (3193) Order T-Shirt
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    (774): View more from Massachusetts

    if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant

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    Replies (10) Good night (1167) Bad night (2834) Order T-Shirt
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    (801): View more from Utah

    Yah man, that place is surreal

    (731): View more from Tennessee

    Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?

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    Replies (70) Good night (3680) Bad night (1219)
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    (714): View more from California

    I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.

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    Replies (11) Good night (1064) Bad night (3112) Order T-Shirt
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    (609): View more from New Jersey

    Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?

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    Replies (110) Good night (2619) Bad night (1864) Order T-Shirt
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    (510): View more from California

    I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.

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    Replies (13) Good night (1202) Bad night (4122) Order T-Shirt
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    (678): View more from Georgia

    I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"

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    Replies (10) Good night (1338) Bad night (3061) Order T-Shirt
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    (253): View more from Washington

    she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?

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    Replies (22) Good night (1389) Bad night (3551) Order T-Shirt
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    (705): View more from Ontario

    I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.

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    Replies (47) Good night (1867) Bad night (4208) Order T-Shirt
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    (858): View more from California

    sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?

    (818): View more from California

    No. He thinks you're slutty.

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    Replies (37) Good night (1278) Bad night (4087)
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    (908): View more from New Jersey

    We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.

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    Replies (35) Good night (5569) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
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    (303): View more from Colorado

    do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???

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    Replies (27) Good night (3946) Bad night (1047) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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