Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this