the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.