plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
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tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?