I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
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she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking